New York Jets vs St. Louis Rams

Fantasy Football Week 5: The Creeper Report

Eddie Royal or Golden Tate? That was my biggest fantasy football debate this week. Admittedly, I was very slim at flex in Andy’s league.

[Then I step through the fog and I creep through the smog Cuz I'm Snoop Doggy (Who?) Doggy (What?) Doggy Dogg.]

Royal was ranked higher, but I feel rankers are always stingy with Seattle’s wide receivers. So I threw the question on Twitter, hash-tag #creeperreport. Someone retweeted it (thanks @DeaconKidd) but no answer. I put it on the TPF Facebook page and got some debate. Not really a debate, because everyone was behind Royal. My heart said Tate, but I have a Seahawk heart and I don’t trust my judgement.

Looking at the opposing defenses, Dallas (Royal’s opponent) was in the bottom ten for passing yards allowed, while Houston (Tate’s opponent) was No. 2. Going with the softest opponent, I chose Royal.

Wow, we were all geniuses. Royal put up four times as many points as Tate, making me feel great about my choice and decision-making process. Royal: 42 yards for 4 points. Tate: 17 yards for 1 point.


Fortunately, I snuck out an easy win against Rashard Mendenhall, DeSean and Vincent Jackson, and Russell Wilson. I still have a man-crush, #3.

Week 5 Cupcakes

After watching the Eagles, Giants, Jaguars and Rams give up a ton of points this week, I said to myself: “Self, who’s playing those guys?”

They’re playing each other. So what does that mean for The Creeper Report.

All four teams are ranked in the bottom seven for rushing yards allowed. They rank higher in pass defense, but not being able to stop the run is always a good pass defense.

I expect the Eagles to run like crazy over the Giants, making Vick a good bye-week play (or a starter for me in my 16 team Euro league). Of course you’re starting McCoy, but if you really need a back, think Bryce Brown. He gained 60 yards on 10 touches and almost scored. Give the turf monster one fantasy point for tackling Brown short of the goal-line this week. Philly’s defense is a good play, but NY’s is not.

I expect the Giants to react by slinging it all over. Eli Manning may get 300+ garbage yards (1 garbage yard = 1 regular yard) with multiple touchdowns and picks. Rueben Randle could get some value as a WR3 and punt returner. David Wilson could finally do something, but I don’t have the clackers to start him.

The Rams are a good team playing bad. The Jaguars are a bad team. At home against the Jags, I think the Rams get better. Their defense is a good pick. I see as many turnovers as points coming from Jacksonville. Jared Cook will be solid. Tavon Austin and Austin Pettis are good stretch plays. Daryl Richardson has been on and off my bench all year. This may be a good week to play him. Isaiah Pead got scratched from the 49ers game and Benny Cunningham swooped in for 5 touches. Zac Stacy got nothing. Which Ram is Creeper of the Week? Stay tuned.

If you drafted MJD, you’re playing him. If your whole team is injured, on a bye, or hanging out with Lamar Odom this week, start some Jaguars.

The Inevitable Injuries

Fred JacksonNotable yet unsurprising, Darren McFadden hurt his hamstring this weekend. With Marcel Reece’s knee injured, Rashad Jennings becomes valuable.

Alfred Morris suffered some injured ribs, making Roy Helu an interesting play. He gained 84 all-purpose yards and a score in Morris’ absence.

CJ Spiller hurt his ankle. Fred Jackson’s been playing well already. The Bills play the Browns on Thursday, making for a very quick turnaround. Expect a lot of Fred.

Danny Amendola and Rob Gronkowski may return this week. Nevertheless, Tom Brady is starting to tune in to Kenbrell Thompkins and New England’s offense is finding its rhythm.

Jake Locker will be out up to eight weeks after injuring his hip. I was about to talk about Justin Hunter and Nate Washington, but I’ll stop now. As a Washington resident, I’m always pulling for Jake. Get well soon, man.

Defenses I Like

I mentioned Philly. St. Louis, too.

New England against a disappointing Cincinnati offense. After Aqib Talib shuts down AJ Green, then what?

Kansas City against Tennessee. With Locker out, I expect at least a half-dozen sacks and single digit scoring from the Titans.

Carolina against Arizona. I just don’t see much coming from the no-name backfield. 13 points against Tampa Bay doesn’t impress me.

San Diego against Oakland. You know I like picking anyone against the Raiders, but if Pryor stays out and McFadden is hurt, crispy-fried Raiders are very snackable.

Atlanta against New Jets. J-O-K-E Jets Jets Jets!

Tampa Bay escapes this list due to a bye week. I’m not sure I wouldn’t just get on that pirate ship and keep going. But Philadelphia gets them in Week Six. Glennon or Freeman, I don’t care. Eagles D back-to-back weeks.

How are my Creepers?

3-1 again. Stevie Johnson’s -1 yard was part of that problem.

So I’m 2-2 in both Nate’s and the Euro league, 3-1 in Andy’s league and 4-0 in the TPF league. Still early. I need to have a long-term vision, stay deep and continue to push for trades. 2-2 can be 4-2 fast. But so can 4-0.

Creeper of the Week

Rams’ WR Austin Pettis. Of all my COWs, the most likely to produce this week. With the Jags in town, I think Sam Bradford’s offense gets clicking and everyone benefits. This 6-3, 203 pound receiver from Boise State had 5 catches for 59 yards against the 49ers and I think he improves on that.

By the way, Week Three Creeper Keenan Allen had 5 catches for 80 yards this week.

romeo-y-julieta-reseve-churchill_1What I’m Smoking

Romeo y Julieta Reserve Churchill, 7” x 54. I got this one cheap in a sampler. Typically this brand goes for $5 to $7 a pop, but I paid less than $2. I am a poacher.

Taste was what I’d expect from a nut-brown maduro. Spicy at the start, a bit leathery and not too oily or earthy. This thing spent a few weeks in my humidor before I smoked it. Still, it burned funny. I had to touch it a few times with the lighter. The last quarter just died and I stubbed it. Too bad. Burn issues always affect the taste. The smoldering, struggling-to-burn parts taste foul, no matter how good the blend.

I don’t know if I got a funny one. I’m beginning to think I have a favorite shape and size: about 5-6 inches and 50ish gauge. Too long or too narrow and it struggles to breathe. The unexpelled smoke sours the flavor. Not enough airflow. A cigar 7 inches long needs to be 60 gauge for me.

The only thing I have in common with the kids driving compacts with coffee cans on the back? I like big exhausts, but only on cigars.

Plus, I’m realizing I like them very dark. Oscuro. Midnight ink. Like Guinness wrapped in a leaf.

So to twist this back into fantasy football, know what you like and stick to it. If you know you don’t want a good receiver with a bad quarterback, why did you draft Cecil Shorts? You know you don’t want to rely on home runs. Why is David Wilson on your team?

Your Creeper Limerick

So the league wants a franchise in London

But player complaints are abundant.

To spend half a day

On a plane just to play?

Only if we’re excessively funded.


Good luck and happy creepings.

David Klenda, also known as Eighty Six, can be found at Eighty Six the Poet, on Twitter as 86ThePoet, and at

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