(Don’t laugh…of course there’s a Santa Claus. If there isn’t, how would you explain this guy hanging around the mall for the past two months? Like some old guy just wants kids crawling in his lap all the time. That’d just be weird!)
It’s been a while since we wrote a letter to you, good jolly sir, but a lot has happened this year in the NFL and we think the best way to fix them is through some Christmas magic. It might be a little short notice, but if you could, here’s what we could use around here in the good old NFC North.
Chicago Bears: Thank you, THANK YOU for bringing us Marc Trestman instead of Lovie Smith. This dude is awesome and Canadian, which is fun, eh? Some closing ability, also known as a killer instinct we think (we’re not sure, the Bears haven’t had it since the 80′s) would help us a whole bunch. Also, this shouldn’t need to be said, but no more Jay Cutler please. We’ve all had enough.
Detroit Lions: The very best place to begin would be with a new coach. We’d like the Stanford guy if possible because Jim Schwartz has accomplished only one thing with this team: A bad attitude. (see: Ndamukong Suh) A good dose of consistency for Matthew Stafford would be super because he has a tendency to fail as badly as Tony Romo in December. We do appreciate you bringing us Reggie Bush last Christmas. He’s the best thing to happen to Detroit since Ford.
Minnesota Vikings: A new quarterback, especially a talented one, would be a great start, possibly a good backup running back because Toby Gerhart won’t be here next year and Adrian Peterson is getting old. This makes us sad. Oh, and not having to use the Gophers college stadium would be great. That place sucks…but not quite as bad as the Baggy Dome.
Green Bay Packers: The biggest thing we need is a magic pill that reduces injuries. Randall Cobb, Clay Matthews and Aaron Rodgers all go down in the same year? Really, Santa? You’re better than that. Oh, and it looks like Mike McCarthy could stand treadmill in his office. We don’t need another Andy Reid on our hands.
That’s all we can think of at that moment, Santa, but if you could bring us all of those we’d be eternally grateful.
Oh, yea, and some of that “peace on earth and goodwill towards men” stuff too.
Give Rudolph a kiss for us!
The Penalty Flag Blog Staff